thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you had me at cake vodka
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
