I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Randomize
