I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
