i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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