I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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