I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He has the fingertips of a God
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