do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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