Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize