There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
