apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize