Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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