The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
