Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
