I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
