the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
