he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
