just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
