Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
