you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
