You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize