In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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