College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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