just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
