Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
