Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
