my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
