I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
