OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
