$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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