That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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