My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
