I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
