speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
