About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
