I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
