i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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