She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
