You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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