Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
