That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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