I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
