I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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