so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
