I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
