what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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