i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
