its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
