i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
