Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Four minutes until I can fart!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
