My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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