I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
