did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You drinking a lot?
Define a lot
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.