He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it was like eating out sand paper
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
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John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
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Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho