i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen