things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I want her autograph on my taint
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
