Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?