i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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