And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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