I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
