i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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