so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
