Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
