hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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