Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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