sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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