I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Randomize
