Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
