1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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