You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
