goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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