Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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