the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
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now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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