Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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