I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
