come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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