First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We're too hungover to prance.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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