i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
