I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
