It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
