her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
