I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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