Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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