I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Is Oprah even human
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
