I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
