i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
