No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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