Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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