I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
