I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
