Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
