I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
