I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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