what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
